Re-Posting in light of the unconscionable weekend of violence that occurred in Texas and Ohio. August 7, 2019
As a survivor of violence and a sufferer of post-traumatic stress disorder, I have been gravely concerned for the survivors of the Las Vegas massacre and the families of the victims. No one tells you what to expect nor can you imagine how you will be feeling weeks later, month's later, years later. With a sincere hope and the intention of helping the victims to not feel alone, I am sharing my experience post- trauma.
As a survivor of violence and a sufferer of post-traumatic stress disorder, I have been gravely concerned for the survivors of the Las Vegas massacre and the families of the victims. No one tells you what to expect nor can you imagine how you will be feeling weeks later, month's later, years later. With a sincere hope and the intention of helping the victims to not feel alone, I am sharing my experience post- trauma.
I am proud to say I am a survivor and not a victim of physical violence, the death of my only sibling, and other unspeakable tragedies. Despite all of that, our family is able to experience joy and we go out of our way to try to spread love and joy to others.
My experience with Post-Traumatic Stress may or may not mirror yours, but if this helps you feel less alone, mission accomplished.
First, my family and I do not find acts of violence entertaining. I find it difficult to watch it on TV or in the movies. I do not allow my children to play with toy guns or violent video games. Anyone who has gone to the movies with me knows that there is a risk I may go to ladies room and not come back. Just did it with my son who wanted to see "IT".
Second, it is natural that you will want to learn how to protect yourself with weapons, self-defense, and lots of locks and alarms. This will be followed by a deep fear of weapons and then a sense of voyeurism where you stop caring about your safety all together. At some point, you will reach a balance, but it takes time and lots of therapy. NOTE: Therapy - seek help from professionals to manage your emotions. It is an emotional rollercoaster.
Third, you will grieve deeply every single time you hear about a violent incident that mirrors the one you experienced. You will feel as if what happened to you is happening all over again. This reliving the tragedy never truly goes away.
Next, you will have memory loss and not be able to remember things that happened before the trauma or immediately following it. I can't remember people or places unless I press really hard and I really don't want to because it is too painful. I know chuckle when people ask me things about my past and I can't remember because I do not know if it is my age or my defense mechanism.
As the grief subsides and you learn to deal with the trauma, you will come to realize that you are a survivor and that you have an incredible life to be thankful for. You will begin to cherish each moment and get mad at people who do not embrace life with vigor and enthusiasm. Doing things that are undesirable or working in a hostile environment becomes intolerable. If you believe in God's grace and mercy, you will want to live every moment of your life to the fullest. The survivors guilt never goes away, but because of it you know you must honor the victims by being present in this life.
My sixth lesson is that you will learn that you are not alone and everyone deals with things differently. Your grief and sadness is uniquely yours and no one elses. That is OK and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We all grieve and we do it in our own way. If sharing your pain helps you, share it with people you trust. What has happened to me repeatedly, is you find someone else who empathizes, understands, and now feels less alone or more hopeful, because of your bravery. And yes sharing is terrifying...I still have not decided if I want to publish this blog.
Finally, despite the stigma, it is okay to seek professional help and take your loved ones with you. Your trauma is their trauma, so make it a family affair. A trained professional can help you adopt healthy habits and ways to adjust to your new reality. Free or covered services can be found through your school, church, the Veteran's administration and often your employer or health plan. Stop making excuses and let others help you.
I pray your healing comes as quickly as God intends and you are able to walk in faith, love, and peace, and you experience a little bit of joy from time to time. As you heal, you will discover your God given purpose, so be prepared to use it to help others in this life and the next.
God's blessings,
carladenise
October 3, 2017 - Post Las Vegas Massacre
I want to thank you for being brave and selfless in sharing your story. I can only imagine how many people would benefit from the sound guidance you are sharing. Your kind and generous spirit is always at the forefront. I also pray that you continue to share your story. Wishing you God's blessings as well!
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